What I've learned so far...

I wanted to write a post about what I have learned academically this term. However, the thoughts that immediately came to mind were all lessons in my personal life. That is not to say that I have not learned things in school this term, because I definitely have. But as my years of working in University Student Life taught me, formation comes from lessons learned outside the classroom as much as from what we are learning from our professors, fellow students, and readings. So I should not be very surprised.

Academically, I learned more of the Hebrew language, the role of scripture in Jewish liturgy and worship, and some of the elements of Israel's history as they became a nation and the people of Yahweh. It's been good, challenging, sometimes infuriating, but such is the learning process.

But when I look back on this season, I feel the lessons that I have learned outside of the classroom more poignantly.  I learned a lot about the difficulties of acclimating to a new culture especially when I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after arriving here. Pregnancy in some ways makes me feel like a stranger in my own body. This feeling was exacerbated by feeling like a stranger in my surroundings as well. Having that feeling of estrangement internally and externally was one of the predominant experiences of this first term for me. Culture-shock is one thing on its own, just like pregnancy has its own unique challenges. But you put the two together, and you are in for a real treat!

Despite the difficulties of acclimating to all the changes going on around me, pregnancy also grounded me. It reminded me how important my family is to me. No matter how many degrees or whatever else I try to achieve, Johnny and Emily are truly most important to me. And even as I was struggling through the nauseous feelings of pregnancy, I was bonding with this little one inside me. We were experiencing things together for the first time.  It's hard to really explain, but I felt comforted by having this little one with me to give me a good perspective on life, even as I was struggling to make sense of all the differences I was experiencing.

Unfortunately, this season has also taught me about dealing with loss like I haven't experienced before. We found out at 12 weeks that the baby was no longer with us, and I have entered a period of grief like no other time in my life. But this experience is teaching me as well. It's teaching me how much we are really capable of loving our children, even when we didn't know them for very long. They are part of us no matter what, and there is great mystery and care that comes with that reality.

It's also teaching me my deep need in ways that I have not known before. When I was looking for a spouse, I wanted a relationship with mutual encouragement and support. I wanted someone to love and to love me. I wanted us to be each other's biggest supporters as we attempt to follow Christ's leading together and uniquely. At the same time, I have a great sense of self-sufficiency. I can self-manage and take care of myself, and I wanted that same quality in a spouse as well.  I have found all of these things in Johnny and love him for it.

But this season has taught me something new about us and about our marriage.  My sweet husband has been taking care of me for weeks now. When I was pregnant and too nauseous and tired to do much else beyond going to class, studying, and interacting with he and Emily, he cleaned, washed, cooked, took care of Emily all without one complaint. And now as grief has become a constant feature in my life, and I question myself and my abilities, he is still taking care of me in ways I didn't know were possible or that I would ever need. And I am grateful.

I know this is only a season and that things will get back to "normal" eventually, but I feel that I have a level of knowledge now that I didn't have before, about myself, about my husband and our marriage, about our ability to navigate through hard things and carry one another when necessary. I realize my own need for another person in a way that I haven't in recent years. Being this vulnerable is a scary and yet freeing thing.

As we have gone through the Christmas season during this difficult time, I have been even more aware of the vulnerability of Christ coming and living among us. His willingness to take on flesh, to experience this human life, and even to subject himself to being killed by those whom he created is a level of vulnerability that I truly can't comprehend.  To be open and to love like Christ means we will experience pain, but also unimaginable joy. The pain part is something I have feared and therefore avoided for a long time. But I am realizing that by avoiding the pain of vulnerability, I am also not able to truly experience the joy either. The joy of really living.

My prayer for this new year is that I wouldn't be so afraid of really experiencing life. Jesus said, "I have come that you might have life and have it to the full." Maybe he didn't mean just the good, but the difficult times too that give depth to our humanness and our relationship with him.

Wet, Gray Days

 

I took this picture two weeks ago from our living room window when we had a cold snap here and temperatures were "minus" as they call them here (29 degrees). It was taken at 3pm and was obviously foggy and almost dark already.

Today is not nearly that cold, but it is a wet, gray day and it was dark by 4pm. Amy and I keep trying to adjust to the short days, but it keeps catching us off guard and we think it's later than it is.

We look forward to the spring and summer when the daylight hours will be much longer!

Emily's Nativity Play

December 19 was Emily's last day of school in 2012 and her class put on a nativity play for all of the parents and grandparents. She was an angel and did a great job singing the songs that they (we all!) had been practicing for the last month.

Thankfully, Amy found a costume at a store and we didn't have to get creative with a pillowcase or bedsheet!  Anyway, we thought we'd share some of the pictures from that day:

Here's the scene in her classroom...

 

As expected, it was a little chaotic at times with some of the angels roaming. Also you might notice that Emily (top left) brought her own baby doll to hold throughout the play. Thankfully, Mary did not feel too threatened.

 

Here's Emily with one of her friends, Paige, having fun afterwards!

This above is Ms. Ciara, the trained montessori teacher for Emily, who has been helping Emily learn to write her name, among many other things!

Here's Miss Abbie, who is great with Emily and leads the kids in lots of fun songs and activities.

And this is Ms. Angie, the lead teacher, who has been very good at helping Emily to feel more comfortable at school this fall.

And here's our little angel excited about the party and snacks after the play!

 

Here are a couple of videos too - one of the kids singing "I Have Come with Special News" and the next one of Emily playing with others in the hay and straw.

 

 

 



Bonding with the British

As the new year approaches, I reflect on these first three months here and how it has been a roller coaster of emotions. Excitement, disappointment, confusion, contentment, sorrow, fear, and hope. There is so much to process and learn in a new culture and society, even one that speaks English!

 

One thing that has been key for us in this initial season of transition has been bonding with the people and culture here. Tom and Elizabeth Brewster wrote an incredible article/book called Bonding and the Missionary Task on the importance of assimilating into another culture in cross-cultural ministry, likening it to the bonding that occurs between a mother and child immediately after the birth. The first days and weeks are critical for a strong connection to be made and deep, lasting relationships with locals can emerge from that bond that was formed.

 

I am thankful that we ventured out in and around Oxford every day those first days and weeks. We bought long-term bus passes. We ate at local restaurants and cafes. We asked a lot of questions. We learned to stop by the grocery store daily to buy little amounts of food for the next day or two, instead of stocking up once a week like in the States. We committed to live like the people here as best we could. We did our best to not import our American expectations, and we desired to connect and bond with the rhythm and pace of the British life.  

 

Now it wasn't always easy. We got confused and frustrated at times. Things here didn't always make sense to us. Even though we don't have to learn a new language, it is a different culture. It's been challenging and painful at times to make this transition and try to identify with the people here and know how to navigate through daily life.

 

The English are not the easiest and most open to strangers, and yet we have experienced great kindness and hospitality in our short time here already. Getting connected to a local church and into a small group has helped to provide us with a believing community. Other friends we have made have reached out to us and encouraged us in this transition.

 

We have had some extremely tough days and moments here. Yet, Amy and I both comment on how we feel like we have been here longer than we have (in a good way). And I think that I feel that way because in many ways I do feel comfortable here. I have that sense of belonging already to some degree. Now don't get me wrong - I am by no means pretending to be British and do miss things back in America, but living here has grown on me.

 

The best part is seeing how the Lord is connecting me/us with others in the community here and the new friendships we are making. I know these relationships will be important to our long-term success and ability to thrive in life and ministry in Oxford this next year. Now that I am feeling more a part of society here, I'm excited to see what's next.

 

 



Emily at School

Back in October we were excited to find the Summertown Montessori nursery that seemed like a great fit for Emily. She goes three days a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) from 8:30am - 1:00pm. It's about an 8 minute walk down Banbury Road from our apartment, so it's nice and close.

The school meets in the lower level of this church hall located just north of the Summertown shops. Here's a picture of the church hall:

Each school day we get Emily's lunch box packed and her backpack ready.

Here's our girl ready to go!

 

"See my pink backpack, Dad?!!" (Thanks Grandy and Ellie!)

 

There are about 20 kids from literally all over the world in her class with her - some from Spain, Norway, Brazil, and Zambia (there's a lot of international students at Oxford). Most of the kids though are British and there are a few other Americans.

The kids do circle time with songs and activities, individual time learning with a Montessori-certified teacher (Miss Ciara whom Emily calls Miss Cara), free play, and outside time in the garden. It seems to have a very good pace and rhythm for her age group.

Here's Emily painting her hand with Miss Abbie, one of her main teachers. Emily has started to say some words with a British accent, and uses words like "straightaway" and "rubbish" all the time.

 

Every other week, an outside music teacher comes to teach song and dance. Sophie (the music teacher) and Ralph (her stuffed animal dog) lead the kids in lots of fun music activities like playing with this parachute while they sing.

Here's Ms. Angie (another of her main teachers) reading Goldilocks to the children during storytime:

 

Snack time each morning before they go out into the garden...

 

 

Here's our "cheeky monkey" (her teachers call the kids that all the time actually) out in the garden on the cross statue. Usually they have bikes and equipment (slides, etc.) for the kids to play on. If the weather is too cold or wet, they'll build an obstacle course inside the room to help Emily and her friends get their energy out!

 

As Amy mentioned in a previous post, Emily did struggle with this transition initially, saying that she didn't want to go to school, and crying at dropoff in the morning. We knew separation anxiety is a real thing, but she had done very well at pre-school in the U.S. last year. However we realized that this behavior was intensified by culture shock and all the change of moving to another country.

 

After a month, thankfully she started to feel more comfortable going to school and now has become friends with some of the other kids. Some of her friends she talks most about are: Paige, Knox, Ella, Gabriela, and Nico.  

 

Her teachers say she is doing "brilliant," and she has even started writing her first name now thanks to what she's learning at school! We are blessed by our clever little "cheeky monkey!"