What I've learned so far...

I wanted to write a post about what I have learned academically this term. However, the thoughts that immediately came to mind were all lessons in my personal life. That is not to say that I have not learned things in school this term, because I definitely have. But as my years of working in University Student Life taught me, formation comes from lessons learned outside the classroom as much as from what we are learning from our professors, fellow students, and readings. So I should not be very surprised.

Academically, I learned more of the Hebrew language, the role of scripture in Jewish liturgy and worship, and some of the elements of Israel's history as they became a nation and the people of Yahweh. It's been good, challenging, sometimes infuriating, but such is the learning process.

But when I look back on this season, I feel the lessons that I have learned outside of the classroom more poignantly.  I learned a lot about the difficulties of acclimating to a new culture especially when I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after arriving here. Pregnancy in some ways makes me feel like a stranger in my own body. This feeling was exacerbated by feeling like a stranger in my surroundings as well. Having that feeling of estrangement internally and externally was one of the predominant experiences of this first term for me. Culture-shock is one thing on its own, just like pregnancy has its own unique challenges. But you put the two together, and you are in for a real treat!

Despite the difficulties of acclimating to all the changes going on around me, pregnancy also grounded me. It reminded me how important my family is to me. No matter how many degrees or whatever else I try to achieve, Johnny and Emily are truly most important to me. And even as I was struggling through the nauseous feelings of pregnancy, I was bonding with this little one inside me. We were experiencing things together for the first time.  It's hard to really explain, but I felt comforted by having this little one with me to give me a good perspective on life, even as I was struggling to make sense of all the differences I was experiencing.

Unfortunately, this season has also taught me about dealing with loss like I haven't experienced before. We found out at 12 weeks that the baby was no longer with us, and I have entered a period of grief like no other time in my life. But this experience is teaching me as well. It's teaching me how much we are really capable of loving our children, even when we didn't know them for very long. They are part of us no matter what, and there is great mystery and care that comes with that reality.

It's also teaching me my deep need in ways that I have not known before. When I was looking for a spouse, I wanted a relationship with mutual encouragement and support. I wanted someone to love and to love me. I wanted us to be each other's biggest supporters as we attempt to follow Christ's leading together and uniquely. At the same time, I have a great sense of self-sufficiency. I can self-manage and take care of myself, and I wanted that same quality in a spouse as well.  I have found all of these things in Johnny and love him for it.

But this season has taught me something new about us and about our marriage.  My sweet husband has been taking care of me for weeks now. When I was pregnant and too nauseous and tired to do much else beyond going to class, studying, and interacting with he and Emily, he cleaned, washed, cooked, took care of Emily all without one complaint. And now as grief has become a constant feature in my life, and I question myself and my abilities, he is still taking care of me in ways I didn't know were possible or that I would ever need. And I am grateful.

I know this is only a season and that things will get back to "normal" eventually, but I feel that I have a level of knowledge now that I didn't have before, about myself, about my husband and our marriage, about our ability to navigate through hard things and carry one another when necessary. I realize my own need for another person in a way that I haven't in recent years. Being this vulnerable is a scary and yet freeing thing.

As we have gone through the Christmas season during this difficult time, I have been even more aware of the vulnerability of Christ coming and living among us. His willingness to take on flesh, to experience this human life, and even to subject himself to being killed by those whom he created is a level of vulnerability that I truly can't comprehend.  To be open and to love like Christ means we will experience pain, but also unimaginable joy. The pain part is something I have feared and therefore avoided for a long time. But I am realizing that by avoiding the pain of vulnerability, I am also not able to truly experience the joy either. The joy of really living.

My prayer for this new year is that I wouldn't be so afraid of really experiencing life. Jesus said, "I have come that you might have life and have it to the full." Maybe he didn't mean just the good, but the difficult times too that give depth to our humanness and our relationship with him.

Wet, Gray Days

 

I took this picture two weeks ago from our living room window when we had a cold snap here and temperatures were "minus" as they call them here (29 degrees). It was taken at 3pm and was obviously foggy and almost dark already.

Today is not nearly that cold, but it is a wet, gray day and it was dark by 4pm. Amy and I keep trying to adjust to the short days, but it keeps catching us off guard and we think it's later than it is.

We look forward to the spring and summer when the daylight hours will be much longer!

Emily's Nativity Play

December 19 was Emily's last day of school in 2012 and her class put on a nativity play for all of the parents and grandparents. She was an angel and did a great job singing the songs that they (we all!) had been practicing for the last month.

Thankfully, Amy found a costume at a store and we didn't have to get creative with a pillowcase or bedsheet!  Anyway, we thought we'd share some of the pictures from that day:

Here's the scene in her classroom...

 

As expected, it was a little chaotic at times with some of the angels roaming. Also you might notice that Emily (top left) brought her own baby doll to hold throughout the play. Thankfully, Mary did not feel too threatened.

 

Here's Emily with one of her friends, Paige, having fun afterwards!

This above is Ms. Ciara, the trained montessori teacher for Emily, who has been helping Emily learn to write her name, among many other things!

Here's Miss Abbie, who is great with Emily and leads the kids in lots of fun songs and activities.

And this is Ms. Angie, the lead teacher, who has been very good at helping Emily to feel more comfortable at school this fall.

And here's our little angel excited about the party and snacks after the play!

 

Here are a couple of videos too - one of the kids singing "I Have Come with Special News" and the next one of Emily playing with others in the hay and straw.

 

 

 



Bonding with the British

As the new year approaches, I reflect on these first three months here and how it has been a roller coaster of emotions. Excitement, disappointment, confusion, contentment, sorrow, fear, and hope. There is so much to process and learn in a new culture and society, even one that speaks English!

 

One thing that has been key for us in this initial season of transition has been bonding with the people and culture here. Tom and Elizabeth Brewster wrote an incredible article/book called Bonding and the Missionary Task on the importance of assimilating into another culture in cross-cultural ministry, likening it to the bonding that occurs between a mother and child immediately after the birth. The first days and weeks are critical for a strong connection to be made and deep, lasting relationships with locals can emerge from that bond that was formed.

 

I am thankful that we ventured out in and around Oxford every day those first days and weeks. We bought long-term bus passes. We ate at local restaurants and cafes. We asked a lot of questions. We learned to stop by the grocery store daily to buy little amounts of food for the next day or two, instead of stocking up once a week like in the States. We committed to live like the people here as best we could. We did our best to not import our American expectations, and we desired to connect and bond with the rhythm and pace of the British life.  

 

Now it wasn't always easy. We got confused and frustrated at times. Things here didn't always make sense to us. Even though we don't have to learn a new language, it is a different culture. It's been challenging and painful at times to make this transition and try to identify with the people here and know how to navigate through daily life.

 

The English are not the easiest and most open to strangers, and yet we have experienced great kindness and hospitality in our short time here already. Getting connected to a local church and into a small group has helped to provide us with a believing community. Other friends we have made have reached out to us and encouraged us in this transition.

 

We have had some extremely tough days and moments here. Yet, Amy and I both comment on how we feel like we have been here longer than we have (in a good way). And I think that I feel that way because in many ways I do feel comfortable here. I have that sense of belonging already to some degree. Now don't get me wrong - I am by no means pretending to be British and do miss things back in America, but living here has grown on me.

 

The best part is seeing how the Lord is connecting me/us with others in the community here and the new friendships we are making. I know these relationships will be important to our long-term success and ability to thrive in life and ministry in Oxford this next year. Now that I am feeling more a part of society here, I'm excited to see what's next.

 

 



Emily at School

Back in October we were excited to find the Summertown Montessori nursery that seemed like a great fit for Emily. She goes three days a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) from 8:30am - 1:00pm. It's about an 8 minute walk down Banbury Road from our apartment, so it's nice and close.

The school meets in the lower level of this church hall located just north of the Summertown shops. Here's a picture of the church hall:

Each school day we get Emily's lunch box packed and her backpack ready.

Here's our girl ready to go!

 

"See my pink backpack, Dad?!!" (Thanks Grandy and Ellie!)

 

There are about 20 kids from literally all over the world in her class with her - some from Spain, Norway, Brazil, and Zambia (there's a lot of international students at Oxford). Most of the kids though are British and there are a few other Americans.

The kids do circle time with songs and activities, individual time learning with a Montessori-certified teacher (Miss Ciara whom Emily calls Miss Cara), free play, and outside time in the garden. It seems to have a very good pace and rhythm for her age group.

Here's Emily painting her hand with Miss Abbie, one of her main teachers. Emily has started to say some words with a British accent, and uses words like "straightaway" and "rubbish" all the time.

 

Every other week, an outside music teacher comes to teach song and dance. Sophie (the music teacher) and Ralph (her stuffed animal dog) lead the kids in lots of fun music activities like playing with this parachute while they sing.

Here's Ms. Angie (another of her main teachers) reading Goldilocks to the children during storytime:

 

Snack time each morning before they go out into the garden...

 

 

Here's our "cheeky monkey" (her teachers call the kids that all the time actually) out in the garden on the cross statue. Usually they have bikes and equipment (slides, etc.) for the kids to play on. If the weather is too cold or wet, they'll build an obstacle course inside the room to help Emily and her friends get their energy out!

 

As Amy mentioned in a previous post, Emily did struggle with this transition initially, saying that she didn't want to go to school, and crying at dropoff in the morning. We knew separation anxiety is a real thing, but she had done very well at pre-school in the U.S. last year. However we realized that this behavior was intensified by culture shock and all the change of moving to another country.

 

After a month, thankfully she started to feel more comfortable going to school and now has become friends with some of the other kids. Some of her friends she talks most about are: Paige, Knox, Ella, Gabriela, and Nico.  

 

Her teachers say she is doing "brilliant," and she has even started writing her first name now thanks to what she's learning at school! We are blessed by our clever little "cheeky monkey!"

 

 

Thanksgiving Art by Emily

Emily made a picture for Thanksgiving too, using some Thanksgiving stickers she'd gotten from NaiNai (thanks NaiNai!). We traced her hand and made a turkey and she did everything except the outline of the hat and the eyes and then I filled in the wattle under the chin so it was easier to see.

If you look closely enough, Emily also wrote her first name in the top left corner! She's been practicing that at school and surprised us with that last week! It is faint, but you might be able to see it. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

An Oxford Thanksgiving

Last week was Thanksgiving, and I have to say it was a little strange that it was just another Thursday here in England. There are enough Americans here that people know about it, but the British just don't celebrate it.

Actually, several British friends mentioned to me that they think it is a great idea for a holiday and said they wished they had a similar holiday.

We certainly missed our family during this time, but we made the most of it. We did not have our Thanksgiving meal on Thursday because of Amy's class schedule, but we did go to a "Thanksgiving Tea" with some new American friends. It was fun to be with new friends and celebrate British-style with finger foods and tea and coffee. There were several kids there too, so Emily had a lot of fun.

Then on Saturday we had our family meal. I had gone to the local butcher down the street and found a turkey for us - topped with bacon for some good flavor - so that was a fun cultural experience. We put together the rest of the sides, but were not able to pull together ingredients in time for a pumpkin pie or pecan pie. But, we still managed just fine as you'll see below.

When I look back on the past year, it is easy to see how much we have to be thankful for. It was a year ago that the Lord began to nudge and encourage us to take the first steps in this journey of faith to be cross-cultural witnesses. Since then we have seen His faithfulness and provision at work in our lives time and time again, and it is humbling to sit here at this desk in Oxford today and know how far the Lord has brought us on this journey. The most exciting part is this is still just the beginning and we are thankful for what is on the horizon, and most of all for Who is with us every step of the way.

 Here's Amy preparing her family's famous brown rice for our meal...

 

Here's our table with the turkey, gravy, asparagus, brown rice, bread, and smashed potatoes...

 

 

This was dessert...

Here's our first attempt at the family picture, but, as you can tell, Emily was ready to eat not take a picture!

So we tried it again...

 

 

 

One Step at a Time

Emily just asked to go to bed at 6:20pm, so this gives me a chance to write a blog post!  Ah, the benefits of dropping the nap!  Maybe it is also because it starts getting dark here at 4pm, so by 6pm, her body is telling her it's time to sleep.  Actually, mine is too, so maybe that's not so good!

I was reminded the other day of an earlier blog post where I realized that helping Emily through this transition was how I was going to get through it myself, and I am finding that to be true again.

Emily's had a rough start to preschool.  It was a bit unexpected considering that she went last year in the States and loved it!  But we know that EVERYTHING in her life has changed in the last few months, so leaving her at a new preschool was proving traumatic.

After the first few weeks, she seemed to be improving while she was actually at school, according to her teachers.  But the mornings at home were getting harder.  As soon as she woke up and asked if she was going to school, she would start crying and wailing about how she didn't want to go.  We felt so torn about whether we were doing the right thing or not.  Are we missing something?  Is there something about her school that is not right?  It was very confusing.

One morning, she had started crying and ran back to her room after discovering that it was a school day, so I decided to go in there and lay with her for awhile.  Maybe I could figure out what was going on.  The main thing that she would say was how she was going to miss Daddy!  I think Daddy makes her days at home so much fun that she didn't like the thought of having to leave him!

So through the Lord's wisdom, I said, "Okay, let's just take this one step at a time.  Let's not worry about leaving Daddy yet.  Maybe we should just get dressed first."  So we started going through the "checklist" of what needed to be done before she could leave, and it completely changed her attitude!  Suddenly, this was not so overwhelming anymore.  It felt much easier!

As I thought more about it, I couldn't help but smile realizing that this is exactly how the Lord deals with me!  Johnny's general disposition to the world is "Everything will work out alright!"  And mine is to fret and worry and try to figure it all out ahead of time.  But through this transition, the Lord has been teaching me that really I just have to take things one step at a time.  Just deal with what is right in front of me.  Otherwise, it's going to paralyze me, and nothing will get done. 

So as Emily and I go through the "checklist" on the mornings of her school days, I am reminded to do the same with myself.  Try not to rush ahead.  What is right in front of me today that I need to do?  No, I don't know how it's all going to work out or get done, but worrying about it is not going to help anything.  I can pretty much hear the Lord whispering to me, "Let's just take it one step at a time!"

What's Going On...

It's been a busy few weeks here in Oxford, but we've seen the God's hand at work in our lives recently in several ways:

1) Amy has determined what her thesis topic will be! Her working title is "Septuagint Isaiah and its Relationship to the Issues of Alexandrian Jewish Identity." Watch out John Grisham - this is going to be a page-turner! Seriously though, Amy is excited about this research and can fill you in on more details. She'll be working on this paper throughout the year as she completes her other coursework.

2) Johnny has been invited to help with the training of the short-term mission teams that will go out from St. Aldates! Last Sunday was Missions Sunday at the church and more than 60 people signed up for eight mission teams scheduled for next spring and summer. Training will take place from January through March, covering the biblical foundation of mission, intercultural studies, and team dynamics.

3) Emily is really enjoying her pre-school three mornings a week. It has been an adjustment, as she originally struggled with the thought of going to school. We had some rough mornings, and drop-offs were not fun. However, in the last two weeks she has become friends with a couple of the other little girls and looks forward to going! She is learning so much and we are thankful for this breakthrough!

A Look Inside our Apartment (aka Flat)

We realized that we hadn't posted pictures of our apartment here at the Summertown House, so here are the highlights below. It is an older building made for student housing, thus the cinder block walls and hardly any electrical outlets.  However, the rooms are actually decent size and the layout is good too.

We still love the location and its proximity to Summertown as well as how simple it is to get into Oxford.

Here's our living room - or lounge as they call it here. Good space, nice windows.

 

And then looking back into the kitchen past our dining table.

 

Here's the kitchen which is not big, but could be smaller. New oven, nice cabinets and clean fridge!

 

Here's the hallway...

 

 

Our little bathroom with the shower/tub and sink. Not much room here, but we make it work.

 

 

Amy's and my bedroom complete with a double bed, window and good size closet.

 

 

Emily loves her room here below and it is the room we have decorated the most to this point. She's got her butterfly duvet cover and then her reading/play area over on the big pink pillow.

 

 

So that's a quick look at our new home!

"What time is it in Oxford?"

 

 

Some of you have asked how many hours ahead of U.S. time is Oxford, so we wanted to let you know. Oxford/London are five hours ahead of Atlanta/New York (the Eastern time zone).

So what we tell Emily is that when we're eating lunch here, our friends and family in America are waking up and eating breakfast. And when we're eating dinner, you're eating lunch.

Of course the main ways this time difference affects our days are with Skype calls and college football Saturdays. When UGA plays in the afternoon, it's a nice prime time game here, but night games in the States are a challenge!

The UK does observe Daylight Savings time so we are about to "fall back" as well and will stay five hours ahead through the winter.

Homesick



Emily had her first bout of homesickness this week. 

She started off the week with a cold and because of that was a little more whiny and clingy.  But even as she started feeling better, the whining and clinging tendancies have remained.  Today, she told us that she didn't want to go to school anymore.  This was after a crying episode about not wanting to take books back to the library.  It's all very dramatic!

For me as a parent, this is always a difficult balance to strike.  I have very little tolerance for whining, yet at the same time, I don't want to ignore her needs and just tell her to get over it.  So what to do?

It finally occurred to me that maybe there was more to this mood of hers than just surface stuff.  Was there more going on underneath?  With a three-year old, you are never quite sure if they are just being three and going through a stage or if there is something else going on.

But then, my suspicions were confirmed when she was drawing pictures today and telling us that they were different places in Georgia.  Ah, I thought, here's my chance.  So I asked her if she was missing Georgia today.  She said yes.  So I asked what she missed about Georgia.  She said, "I miss the cats and dogs (stuffed animals) in my toy chest at home."  Sweet girl! 

So we talked about missing Georgia and how we would visit later.  After that, she has been better.  I guess, like all of us, sometimes it just helps to talk it through.

I tend to feel homesick about food, which is not really surprising since my life pretty much revolves around food!  It's been Mexican food recently, which I was not expecting.  It is not easy to find here.  There is plenty of Italian and Indian food, and some Chinese.  But Mexican food is a rarity.  I did find enough ingredients in the store to make chicken fajitas one night, but I have yet to find black beans.  How can I live without black beans?! 

It's funny the things that come up that you aren't expecting.  And it's good to remember that our little ones feel these changes and losses as much as we do, even if they don't have the means to verbalize it.  Sometimes neither do we, and it comes out in weird moods or over-reactions to minor things.  But that is for another post!!



Starting Over

We've been in Oxford for about 2 1/2 weeks, and so far we feel like we are adjusting well.  Life has yet to take on its real routine, but the coming week will begin that journey.  My classes start this week, we are finalizing Emily's preschool schedule, and Johnny begins helping out with the Alpha course at the church.  So life is getting ready to ramp up, which is a good thing!

I like routines!  I enjoy free days as well, but only so much.  Eventually, I am ready for a schedule.  Johnny will tell you that on day 3 or 4 of our week-long honeymoon (10 1/2 years ago), I told him that if we stayed much longer, I was going to have to get a job!  Yes, I like routines.  Having a child has probably helped me to calm down about some of these things because she has a routine that I am very much clued into.  It gives my day the needed structure, and therefore I don't get too antsy.  Maybe a little antsy, but not as much!

Coming to another English-speaking culture has probably made our transition easier in many ways.  We can communicate with people pretty well, even though we do have to ask what things mean some times.  We can read signs and labels in the grocery store.  The food is recognizable, for the most part.  These things have made our acclimation easier, I am sure.

But there was one feeling that we were not expecting:  the uneasiness of starting over!  Starting over is one of those things you expect in your twenties.  For many of us, we started over a lot.  Lived in various places, started new jobs/careers, made new friends, went to new churches, etc.  Starting over was just part of the deal.

But in this period of our lives (on the other side of our mid-thirties now!), starting over is not something you expect.  I know this seems kind of silly.  I mean, we did just move to another country.  However, we weren't really ready to deal with the uneasiness of starting over.  Of having to buy basic supplies for our house that we have had for a decade in the states.  Of learning our way around a new city.  The one that really hit me:  Having to start over in relationships by making new friends.

Again, I know this sounds so obvious and makes me ask myself, "What was I expecting?"  Obviously, I knew all of these things were going to happen.  I just wasn't prepared for how uneasy I would feel about it or how settled I felt in our former life. 

In some ways, even though we were ready for this new adventure, I didn't realize how comfortable I felt in my daily life.  How much peace it brought me to have a home to come to or family and friends that I could see regularly or a church that we connected with so easily.  All of these things have been a great blessing!  I wouldn't say that I have taken them for granted because I have felt truly blessed. 

I guess starting over just makes you realize how you can't manufacture these things.  You can try your best to make a place feel like home or cultivate friendships or feel connected to a place of worship.  But really at the end of the day, it's God's grace that provides these things.  And if He has done it in the past, chances are He will do it again!  We just have to be open and willing to let Him start over with us!

"What's Your Address?"

We know some of you have asked where to send a letter/card/package to us while we are here, so here's the scoop.

If you want to send us a letter or card, send it to us at our home:

Flat 125, Summertown House
Banbury Road
Oxford
Oxfordshire
OX2 7RD
UNITED KINGDOM (or ENGLAND is fine too)

If you want to send a package (possibly a sweater for Johnny ;), send it to Amy's school in Yarnton where she can pick it up:

Amy Winkle
Oxford Centre for Hebrew and Jewish Studies
Yarnton Manor, Yarnton
Oxford
OX5 1PY
UNITED KINGDOM

We look forward to hearing from you!

Amy's Studies

Amy will be studying this year at the Oxford Centre for Hebrew and Jewish Studies (OCHJS), located four miles north of Oxford in a little town called Yarnton. Because we live in Summertown, we are only about 2 miles away and it is not difficult for her to catch a bus and be there in 20 minutes or so.

She is studying at a 400-year-old English estate known as Yarnton Manor. She has already been there several times to meet faculty and the other students in her program and her classes begin this coming week. Emily and I joined her twice to visit and meet some of the faculty, students, and administrators.

Here's our Hebrew scholar at the front entrance! The year is sectioned into three terms, beginning with the first term which is called the Michaelmas term that runs this fall through December.

Here's the Manor in which her classes will be held. She'll be studying Biblical Hebrew, Jewish Liturgy, and the Religion of Israel. Talk about insights into the Old Testament!

That's also the OCHJS shuttle bus in the picture that she and the students can ride to/from Oxford when needed.

Here's a few of the rear of the manor along with the gardens. Emily had a lot of fun exploring!



 

Here's a place Amy will spend many hours this year...you get one guess...that's right - the library! It's actually a converted barn! She also will be studying in Oxford at a couple of libraries there.

 

We are excited for Amy and know this year will be a great year of growth and preparation for her future teaching ministry - the theological training and equipping of international church leaders for their own ministries!

 

We made it!

We landed a week ago and it has been a good first week in Oxford. The flight went well and we made our way to Oxford by bus and got settled into our new flat. We live a little north of Oxford in university housing on Banbury Road. It's in a community called Summertown which is a great location because Summertown has little shops and restaurants, but then it is easy to catch the bus into the Oxford City Centre.

This is the Summertown House, our new home. We live on the fifth floor (fourth floor here) and ride up and down the lift to get to our place. We have met a few neighbors, but many of them are still arriving before this fall term begins.

This is just the sign and view looking down our little side street off Banbury Road.

We have gone out in the city every day since we've been here and are getting our bearings. We bought bus passes so we now have unlimited access on the bus lines throughout the Oxford area. Life without a car is different, but the bus system is so good, I don't think we'll mind.  I know we won't miss Atlanta traffic!!

Here are a few pictures from out and about in Oxford as we have tried to observe and learn a little about the culture and behavior here in the UK.

Cornmarket Street - the pedestrian-friendly heart of Oxford

 

Christ Church and its gardens

 



We enjoyed a picnic near the Christ Church Meadow on our first Saturday, complete with sandwiches, fruit and cookies from the Covered Market!

 



Emily and Johnny playing chase! She's adjusting well to life here...

 

 

...and, as you can see, is not afraid to wear her sunglasses even on a cloudy day!

 

The Radcliffe Camera - an inspiring reading room at the Bodleian Library
(which Emily calls "The Big Chickie."  We are not sure why!)

 



Sir Edmond Halley's house (of Halley's comet fame) when he studied and lived in Oxford complete with the little observatory on top

 

One of the quaint little side streets you find throughout Oxford

 



Emily on the lawn (shhh - don't tell) at Mansfield College

 

the Bridge of Sighs - one of the more famous landmarks in Oxford

 

It is a little surreal that we are really here in this place of such history, renown, and architechture, and we are excited about what the Lord can do in us and through us during this experience. Thanks for joining us in this journey!